Confessions of Guilt

Motherhood is no easy task. Yes, it comes easier to some than others, but no matter how easy days are or how much joy and happiness I get from motherhood, I still am in constant state of anxiety and guilt.
     Anxiety and worrying has always been my biggest weakness and I have struggled with it all my life. Anxiety over things that will never happen, or are not very likely to happen. I worry over everything, but like I said, I have dealt with it my whole life, so I have learned how to not let my worries and anxiety ruin the awesomeness of life. It's still there though. Everyday. Along with the guilt. I feel like motherhood has brought so much guilt into my life. It's insane. I know it is. It's the anxiety and worry that I'm not being all that I can be. So therefore it makes me feel guilty.
     It seriously is a constant battle, and I really am hoping that I'm not the only mom who feels this way... maybe not all the time, but at least with some choices?!
     Here is what I mean. The guilt comes obviously when it deals with June and Owen.

 Guilt when I choose to clean my house over play with the kids, but then I feel guilty for playing with the kids while the house is a disaster.

 Guilt when I let the kids play on their own, but then I feel guilty for taking up all their time with activities and not letting them use their imaginations more with free play.

Guilt for letting June watch a movie or cartoons or play on the iPad, but then I feel guilty for not letting her play the iPad, watch movies, or cartoons. How can I deprive my children cartoons??!?

 Guilt when giving them too many toys, but then guilt for not giving them enough toys.

Guilt for always saying no, but then I feel guilty for giving into every possible thing asked of me.

So on and so forth....

Then you feel guilty around other moms. Who have such a different parenting techniques that you don't even necessarily want for your children, or agree with, but for some reason the guilt comes and you wonder... Well SHOULD I be doing that with my children?! It's such a battle and it bugs me.

In general terms I am actually quite happy with how I am raising my children. And I do feel like I am a good mom. It's just the small little details of the day that the comes with the guilt.

I am currently reading a book right now called "Dad is Fat" by Jim Gaffigan. It's a book about his perspective about parenthood. It's hilarious and right on. He talks about his confession of guilt. It made me smile and feel a little better that I'm not the only crazy out there. 

He says " No matter how hard you try to be a good parent, you always know deep down that you could do more. I feel guilty when I travel out of town, I feel guilty when I'm in town and I don't spend every single moment with my children. I feel guilty when I'm spending time with my children and I am not doing something constructive toward their intellectual development. I feel guilty when I feed them unhealthy food they like. I feel guilty when I feed them healthy food they don't like. I've probably made you feel guilty reading this book. I feel guilty about that now too. Sorry."

After reading that I felt a little less guilty and a little bit better in knowing that I wasn't the only one.

So there you have it. My version of parenthood guilt. It's so annoying to me and I wish it would go away. I guess it's just a matter of picking the one you feel right about and which one makes you feel a little less guilty. Hahahaha Oh parenthood, you never disappoint.

I decided to write this today simply because of this photo. I desperately needed to get some things done, so June watched her iPad while eating frozen waffles wtih the sugary-est syrup ever. Guilt.


And yes, I feel a little guilty writing this blog post, while June is watching Jake and the Neverland Pirates. And Owen is..... somewhere.